Self-Care / Self-Respect

 
 
 
 

“Self-care is not self indulgence. Self-care is self-respect.”

What are you really accomplishing by eating that double chocolate cookie? Or buying that rainbow-colored sweater? Or going out for drinks for the fifth night in a row? Did any of your purchases make your problems go away? Did any of those outings really relieve your stress? Unless your problem is that you are allergic to anything but chocolate cookies, rainbow-colored sweaters, and alcohol, the answer to the last two questions is probably a resounding no.

The phrase “self-care” have become buzzwords that are typically accompanied with pictures of bath with rose petals and candles lit, or pictures of a “yolo-moment” of indulgence (i.e. a basket of fries or shopping bags full of new clothes). While self-care is important and we’re all for treating yourself, we think there might be more to self-care than what is being shown on social media.

 
Image from @ineslongevial
 
 

Self-care is not something you can consume. It is something you have to do. The self-care that we really need is often times not pretty at all (aka not ‘gram-able). It’s actually looking at your bank statements and confronting your spending habits. It’s finally purging your closet of all the clothes that used to fit. It’s going to the gym, especially when you don’t want to. It’s setting boundaries, saying no to obligations and responsibilities when you’re already overwhelmed and stressed out. It’s letting go of toxic relationships. And sometimes, it’s actually doing nothing at all--unplugging for a whole day, reading a book, not traveling for once, journaling in the morning (you know all the things we want to do, but never actually do). Doing the things we least want to do is often times what we really need the most. That is self-care.

We think there might be more to self care than what is being shown on social media.
 

True self-care requires honesty and patience. You need to really taking a hard look at your choices and really ask why you made them. You also need to accept that sometimes you will fail, but then learn from your mistakes. You might need to let some things go, in order to make room for new opportunities to come in. You will need to realize that self-care cannot be immediately gratified and that it will take time. You will probably need to make some sacrifices because self-care is also not always convenient. Your self-care needs will be different from others’ and that’s okay.


Ultimately, self-care is building a life that you don’t constantly need to escape from. A life where you don’t need to travel to a different city or country to finally feel like yourself. A life where you are living with intention: you’re eating that double chocolate cookie or buying that rainbow colored sweater because you want to, not because you think you need to. A life where home is truly your sanctuary and where you are surrounded by people who love and support you for you. A life that might not always look good, but rather feels good. A life where you are at peace with yourself. A life where you have found your worth.

 
 

 
It’s time. All of this pretending and performing—these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt—has to go. Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all the things you needed to feel worthy and lovable, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever. Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what people think. The time has come to let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are.
— Brené Brown
 
 
 
lauren belforComment